After my two weeks of reflection and thought, I decided to break up with my boyfriend. It was odd, I found that once my decision was made, planning and acceptance followed quite easily. Now, 1 week in, I am struggling to adapt to the change. Committing yourself to a relationship comes with a price. When you break it off, a part of your heart is sacrificed. Recently, I’ve been struggling with frequent panic attacks; I feel as though there is a physical hole in my heart. The bravery and determination I had in severing my ties is being eaten away every day with the onslaught of emotions I experience in his absence. (It’s a total lie, once you break up with someone, you can’t be friends.) Even now as I write this post, I feel a tumultuous wave of mixed emotions. Sadness due to the sudden distance, regret for the time and opportunities I lost, and an inexplicable feeling of loss (not just for him). It was especially hard for me as I had to be the strong and ruthless one, despite his injured expressions and pleas for reconsideration. The kind thing was to cleanly break the relationship. Thankfully I achieved it. It is just hard in the quiet of the night, when isolation creeps into my heart and makes me shiver.
Any ideas on how to cheer up?